A Day in the Life of Dr. Pennyworth

A Fiction

6:00 AM

Dr. Pennyworth wakes up to his alarm clock. It’s one of those antique mechanical contraptions because the digital ones became too expensive when batteries started costing as much as a small car. He remembers buying it just yesterday for 50 Inflatos. By today, it’s a priceless heirloom.

6:30 AM

Breakfast is a slice of bread that cost as much as a gourmet dinner used to. Pennyworth remembers the good ol’ days when avocados were just a hipster thing and not equivalent to a month’s rent.

7:00 AM

Dr. Pennyworth fills his car’s tank with gas, handing over an entire suitcase of bills. A passerby looks on enviously, “Look at Mr. Richie Rich here, able to afford a half-tank!”

7:30 AM

On the way to the hospital, he stops by the coffee shop. The barista, wearing a tuxedo for the upscale experience, says, “That’ll be 10,000 Inflatos for the espresso, sir. And would you like to tip?” Dr. Pennyworth considers giving a single Inflato as a tip, but decides against it — he doesn’t want to appear too flashy.

8:00 AM

At the hospital, the receptionist informs him that his paycheck is ready. He collects three wheelbarrows full of Inflatos, a bi-hourly ritual. He’ll need to pick up another batch at lunch.

10:00 AM

Dr. Pennyworth prescribes medication to a patient. “Take these pills twice a day. They’re a bit pricey. Roughly the cost of a small island, but don’t worry, by tomorrow they’ll be as cheap as a candy bar… which by then, will cost the same as a private jet.”

12:00 PM

Lunchtime! The cafeteria menu lists today’s special: Instant Ramen for just 50,000 Inflatos. Dr. Pennyworth decides to splurge.

1:00 PM

He attends a medical conference via Zoom. It’s on the “Effects of Hyperinflation on Blood Pressure.” The consensus? Everyone is high.

3:00 PM

A medical rep pitches a new device. “It’s cutting-edge and costs only 5 million Inflatos!” By the end of the presentation, it’s 10 million.

5:00 PM

At the end of his shift, Dr. Pennyworth’s wheelbarrows of cash have lost half their value. He decides to invest in something more stable: a collection of rubber ducks.

6:00 PM

Grocery shopping time! Dr. Pennyworth buys a loaf of bread and two eggs. The total? Only a suitcase full of cash and a promise to name his first-born after the cashier.

8:00 PM

Dr. Pennyworth settles down for dinner. He contemplates ordering a pizza but recalls that delivery fees now include the cost of the delivery guy’s retirement fund.

10:00 PM

Before bed, he checks his bank account online, chuckling as the numbers look more like a high score on a video game than actual finances.

11:00 PM

As Dr. Pennyworth drifts off to sleep, he dreams of a simpler time, when a candy bar cost more than a smile and less than a diamond, and when the term “millionaire” meant something other than ‘can afford a coffee’.

And so ends another day in the life of Dr. Pennyworth in the grand nation of Hyperinflatalandia. The next day? Well, that’s another story (and another couple billion Inflatos).